Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Randomize
