What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
