my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
