My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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