she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
The air was thick with penises
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Randomize
