so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
