let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
