at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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