When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
