If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize