Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
