woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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