What a fucking waste of an outfit
What did we do last night that was yellow?
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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