my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
