1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize