He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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