Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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