I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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