i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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