we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
