There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
