i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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