You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
