So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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