How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
