At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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