no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
