I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
