I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
false alarm, still single
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
