for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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