Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
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