nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
