You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
did you just send me my own nude
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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