I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
