just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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