Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
