I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
