my text book just quoted the cookie monster
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Randomize
