mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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