im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
