Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I need to stop coming to work sober
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
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