She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
