The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize