Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
