I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
