sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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