Sry I called you an 8
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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