i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
