shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
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