a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
