dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
