and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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