ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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