shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
50% drunk capacity currently
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize