someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I have fence marks all over my body
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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