If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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