he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
