He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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