What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
