yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
