Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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