I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
