I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
