how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I woke up under a house in Key West
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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