she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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