its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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