if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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