Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
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