im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
