Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
