this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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