You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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