No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
